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"I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness." - Stacy Ferguson

The scene: An overcast December morning. A woman is sitting in her car staring at the sign in her rear view mirror. It says, "Canyon Crossfit. Class in progress. Come on in." She has 20 minutes until she needs to be inside for her demo session. She considers driving back home. She considers going to McDonald's for an Egg McMuffin. She considers barfing. Instead, she gets out and walks in. 

I spent the first half of my life being an athlete on varying levels. Genetics gifted me with good coordination and I excelled at most sports. Until I was 20, I can't think of a time when I wasn't physically active in one way or another. First, it was tennis, and then as I got older, volleyball became my focus. I was good. I was told I had a future in the sport and the possibility of a college scholarship was not out of the question. When my parents divorced and my mom and I moved back to California, that all changed. I had a hard time finding a place in the volleyball program at my new high school and dissatisfied with my coaching, I stopped playing. Then in the summer before my senior year of high school, I learned to surf. It became such a passion that I eventually had to drop out of high school because I skipped classes so much to be at the beach. I would surf, play some beach volleyball, and then surf some more. I was a vegetarian. I was in top physical shape. It never crossed my mind that I would ever have a weight problem.

Even though I was a vegetarian, I wasn't a disciplined eater. I ate whatever I wanted, just not meat. I always stayed within a 5-10 lb. range, averaging out at around 115 lbs. I was nineteen when I got pregnant with my oldest. I was so ill in the first six months of my pregnancy that I couldn't keep any food down except for a tablespoon of white rice every hour or so. I threw up multiple times a day. I lost eleven pounds in a week. When I could finally eat again, all my body craved was protein, so I went to In-N-Out and got a Double Double. That was the end of my being a vegetarian. That was also the end of my being thin. I ate and ate and ate. I'd gone without food for so long, I wanted to eat everything I saw. My last two months of pregnancy were in late summer and we were in a heatwave. I drank juice by the glassful. Do you know how many calories are in a glass of juice? I sure didn't. I'd never payed attention to calories before. In my last three months of pregnancy, I gained 50 lbs. And I didn't stop. Four years later, when I got pregnant with my second son, I weighed at the beginning of that pregnancy what I'd weighed at the end of my first pregnancy. Since 2002, I haven't been under 200 lbs.

I've tried a lot of things to get healthy. Going to the gym and taking exercise classes. Swimming laps. Walking. Weight Watchers. Veganism. All of those things worked, to an extent, but I always quit. A few years back, a friend of mine joined Crossfit. She doesn't even know (until now) how much her activities in Crossfit caught my attention. What impressed me the most was the Crossfit community. As she put up pictures on Facebook, I noticed that more and more of them included Crossfit people. Pretty soon the bulk of her social life seemed to be with her Crossfit community. I liked that. I checked out Crossfit for myself and balked at the cost. I couldn't rationalize spending that kind of money, on a monthly basis, on me alone. For my entire family, yes, for me, no. Until now. 

It's a miracle that I don't have Type 2 Diabetes. But I will. It's a miracle I don't have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. But I will. It's a miracle I don't have back or joint problems. But I will. And who knows what else? When I think about the amount of money I've spent over the last twenty years on excess food and drink and when I think about the amount of money I could wind up spending on future health problems, Crossfit's cost didn't seem so daunting anymore.

And here's the thing. I was alone or basically invisible when I went to the gym. No one noticed me, no one was by my side encouraging me. And even though Weight Watchers is set up to have some level of accountability, it still wasn't enough for me. I need a person or people who know my name, who are calling me on the phone if I don't show up for class, who are standing next to me encouraging me to finish those last five push-ups. 

I was TERRIFIED on my way to Crossfit today. I'd scheduled my demo session and it was time to put up or shut up. I'd woken up at 2:00 am and my mind was racing and full of anxious thoughts about that first session. I couldn't fall back asleep. At 5:00 am I colored my hair and then shaved my legs clean in the shower. I even shaved my knees. If I was going to be all jiggly and sweaty at Crossfit, at least I'd be jiggly and sweaty with smooth legs and no gray hairs. I am not exaggerating when I say that within the first five minutes, I was no longer terrified. I was relieved to see fat people and skinny people, old people and young people, out of shape and in shape people, all in the same class. AND THEN I found out my demo session was one on one, which I didn't know. Holy cow, what a relief. Coach Ray, the co-owner of Canyon Crossfit, talked to me, just talked, for over an hour. Then he showed me around and I did a basic workout. I repeat, this is a BASIC workout, but today I pulled off:

500 meters on the rowing machine

40 squats

30 sit-ups

20 push-ups (modified, of course)

20 alternating box steps

I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but trust me when I say, for this broken down body, it was a lot. And it's going to get A LOT harder before it gets easier. Prior to starting the actual group classes, I will go through six fundamental classes where I will learn all of the Crossfit techniques and exercises. I start my first one on Tuesday night. You guys, guess what? I'm stoked. When I walked up the stairs to sit at my computer, my legs felt like they were made of Jello. I love that feeling. I feel like I've accomplished something. And I loved everything that I was exposed to today at Crossfit. Coach Ray made me feel welcome and at home. This is exactly what I was looking for. I know it's merely the beginning of a very long journey, but I feel relieved and proud and hopeful. 

I don't think I ever stopped being an athlete, I just took a little time off. 

Oh, and by the way, a little shout out to Lauren, my favorite ninja, who (without even knowing it) led me to Crossfit. I'll let you know when I complete my first Murph.